Intangible Gifts
by LuckyDuck29
Summary: Jason has been keeping a secret from Spinelli, who has been keeping a secret from everyone. On Christmas Day, he and Jason reveal their secrets to each other.


Jason waited anxiously, although very few would be able to sense his anxiety. Sam would, and probably Carly, too, and maybe Spinelli. It was Spinelli he was anxious to see. He hoped Sam was right. He thought she probably was. He only hoped he was doing the right thing. Knowing Spinelli, he might protest, or he might pretend that Jason's Christmas gift was acceptable to avoid hurting his mentor's feelings, or even making him angry.

He came in looking subdued, but a bit happier than he'd been since learning of Maxie's betrayal. He'd been sad, hurt and angry and trying not to show his feelings. He'd spent the night with Maxie last night, apparently. Jason hoped they could patch things up, for both their sakes, but mostly for Spinelli's. he had been nothing but loyal, faithful and devoted to her and she'd slept with someone else for no other reason than to further her career. Who other than Spinelli would ever be forgiving enough not to have severed the relationship the minute he'd found out?

But he wanted to forgive her; he wanted to get past it. Jason was as certain of that as he was that Maxie would push Spinelli until he couldn't be pushed anymore. He would take all he could from her, but even Spinelli had limits. When Maxie pushed him past those limits, she would lose him and he would be broken. Jason only hoped she wouldn't cause Spinelli's heart, or his self-confidence and self-esteem, irrevocable damage. Just because she had to destroy herself periodically didn't give her any right or reason to destroy Spinelli in the process.

Another thing that worried Jason was that Spinelli had been spending more time away from the Penthouse, which would not be so troubling under normal circumstances, but Jason was worried about everyone he loved because of the Franco situation. No one he knew was safe and Spinelli had already had one encounter with Franco. Spinelli had planned that one and Franco could have killed him. He didn't want the kid to be caught by surprise and taken, or worse, by Franco because he wasn't home, or at one of his usual hangouts, and Jason didn't know where he was.

He obediently checked in and let Jason know he was OK. He obediently responded when Jason called him back home. But time spent away from the Penthouse or the office was frequently unaccounted for. Jason had looked for him at Kelly's, on the peer, at the arcade and at Jake's.

He was relieved that Spinelli hadn't been at Jake's. He'd been drunk before and it had led to disaster. Besides, Maxie should not have the power to make Spinelli want to get drunk. She'd done more than enough damage to Spinelli's self-image already.

But where was he going, if he wasn't at his usual hangouts? Jason didn't want to press him; he respected that Spinelli was a grown man who had the right to go wherever he wanted. But it worried Jason when he couldn't find him, especially when there was a potential threat looming over them.

"Merry Christmas," Jason said by way of greeting.

"Merry Christmas," he said with a smile that Jason was pleased to see was genuine.

Every time Jason had seen Spinelli smile over the past couple of weeks, he'd thought the smiles had been forced, until now. Learning that someone you loved, and who was supposed to love you, had thrown you away tended to make a person unhappy. What infuriated Jason was that Maxie was now trying to force Spinelli into doing something he would never do. He had asked Jason's advice and Jason had told him that he needed to do what was best for him in this situation. If he didn't feel comfortable exceeding to Maxie's demands, he shouldn't.

She was trying to force Spinelli to have revenge sex with a stranger so she could feel better about her actions. Jason tried not to interfere in a couple's issues, but in this case, he almost wished Maxie would bring up the subject with him so he could demand to know why Spinelli had to make up for her bad behavior. Did Maxie even know Spinelli? If she did, she would know that he would never stoop to that level. He didn't hold grudges and he didn't seek revenge.

Spinelli had told Jason that Maxie had threatened to break up with him if he didn't do what she wanted. Jason privately thought that if she would deliberately reject the man she herself said was the best thing that ever happened to her because he stood up to her and fought for something he believed in, then she deserved to lose him. Spinelli didn't deserve to be thrown away for not bending to the will of Maxie Jones or anyone else.

That thought led Jason to think of the conversation he'd had with Sam a couple of weeks ago. Maxie had been here, trying to convince Jason to advise Spinelli to do as she said. He had flatly and repeatedly refused and Maxie had gone off on a tangent about Spinelli not having any sort of equality in this house. Before Jason could point out that Spinelli had no equality in Maxie's eyes either if she could give him orders and threaten him for not following them, she'd stormed out and slammed the door behind her.

This had been another one of those times when no one new where Spinelli was and Jason was at the end of his patience. Maxie was being a selfish child who thought Spinelli owed her something because she'd betrayed him and Franco was still on the loose. Jason wished he could kill him, but then evidence might come out against Michael in some unexpected way. Jason's control over the Claudia situation was tenuous at best, thanks to Franco, and Maxie had only managed to complicate things even more. He was worried that Franco might snatch her, or Sam, or Spinelli, or someone else under his protection and that everything would spin completely out of his control. The last thing he needed to worry about right now was Maxie's little revenge plan and Spinelli's reaction to it.

Not that he blamed Spinelli. He hadn't asked for his non-wife to cheat on him. Franco had used Maxie and she had willingly allowed herself to be used. It didn't matter that she hadn't known he was taking photos of her; she had gone to the studio, consented to pose and consented to have sex. Jason wondered if she was even genuinely guilty. Some of the comments she'd made about Franco's supposed hotness made him think not. He hoped she wouldn't be cruel enough, or thoughtless enough, to let any of those comments slip to Spinelli.

Sam had looked at him thoughtfully for a few seconds after the door had slammed and they heard Maxie's footsteps fade away on the stairs.

"Maxie did have a point about something, though, about you and Spinelli."

"What about me and Spinelli?"

Jason sounded more annoyed than intended. Maxie just had way too many opinions about things that didn't concern her.

"Jason, he's lived here for three years now and he doesn't really have anywhere in this house that he can call his own. He's got a room that used to belong to somebody else and that hasn't been changed since she left Port Charles. He doesn't even have a little space down here that he can call his own. He sits on your furniture; he goes into your kitchen when he wants something to eat. Look, I get that it's your house, and so does he, but you're letting him live here and even though he hasn't said it, he knows he could be thrown out of here at any time."

"Why would I throw him out?"

"Think about how angry you got when he tried to convince you to look at other possibilities when you were so determined to get Claudia for Michael's shooting. You made him leave. For all he knew, you could have been throwing him out permanently."

"I apologized for that," Jason said defensively.

"I know, and he accepted. But think about what must have been going through his mind. Also, when you and I walked in on him and Maxie making out and I said we should knock. You made it very clear that you lived here, not Spinelli; that was your inflection, emphasis on I, not you and him. He knows this is all yours."

She paused to indicate the Penthouse in general.

"But he also knows you accept him, but when you threw him out when he argued with you about Claudia, that acceptance was threatened. He doesn't ask for much, Jason, and that's partly because he doesn't want much except acceptance. Maxie threw him away for a photo shoot. You threw him away, however temporarily, for standing up for something he believed in when he told you he wasn't gonna frame Claudia. The fact that we're even having this conversation shows how little you show Spinelli that he's appreciated."

"I've told him."

"But you haven't shown him. You said he's like a kid sometimes and you have to say no. But I've noticed that whenever Spinelli does ask for something you never agree right off the bat; he or somebody else has to convince you. He lives in a pink room and has for all this time, but you had to be convinced to spend a few hours in a pink tie. He stays here so he can be available to you whenever you need him; the least you could do, especially after all this time, is give him something back, something of his own, even if it's only to let him change Brenda's old room to his room."

Jason realized she was right. He had felt out of place when he'd woken from his car accident; he didn't feel as if he fit anywhere. Spinelli was occasionally told that he fit in, but rarely shown. Maybe it was time for Jason to change that.

"What should I do?"

"Let me help you pick out his Christmas present."

"That's yours," he said now to Spinelli, pointing at the package wrapped in red and green wrapping paper on the coffee table.

"Oh," he said with surprise, "thank- thank you."

Then he seemed to remember something.

"Wait; I'll be right back."

He ran back upstairs and came down a minute later with a wrapped package of his own. He handed it to Jason, then sat on the couch next to him, pulled his package onto his lap and began to open it.

Jason smiled at the black t-shirt in his package. Spinelli spoke without looking at him, pausing briefly in the act of opening his package, although the wrapping was mostly off.

"I- I saw that one of yours was wearing; it had a few holes, and you're very practical, so I- I figured-"

"Thank you. I did need a new one."

Spinelli gave him a tentative smile before continuing to open his. It hurt Jason to realize again how little the kid had smiled lately, thanks to Maxie's thoughtlessness.

He stared at the contents of the package in confusion.

"Color samples?"

"I think it's time we made Brenda's room yours. She's not here; you are, and it's past time for you to make that pink room your own. Sam helped me. We picked out colors we know you like and you can pick out what you want. We'll help you paint it."

Jason didn't tell him that Sam had been more observant of his favorite colors. Jason noticed what Spinelli was wearing, but only for identification purposes in case he ever had to quickly pick him out of a crowd. Sam had noted his favorites in clothing and other areas, which had made her a bigger help than even he'd anticipated in picking out samples for his room.

"Will Samantha be moving in with us?" he asked hesitantly.

Jason shook his head, wondering why Spinelli would come to that conclusion based on the color samples and the fact that Sam had helped Jason pick them, but didn't ask. He didn't want Spinelli to think he was angry or annoyed and he knew that was sometimes how he sounded, even when he wasn't.

"We're not there yet. She just wanted to help, mostly because she's your friend, but partly because she feels bad about her part in your finding out about Maxie."

"That wasn't her fault."

"I know, but she still feels guilty."

He looked back at the package and Jason saw that what he'd told him about his room had sunk in.

"The Jackal has been granted permission to alter the regrettably pink room?"

Jason nodded.

"It should have been done a long time ago, Spinelli; I just didn't think and you didn't ask."

"It wasn't important enough to-"

He trailed off and looked away.

"To risk making me mad?"

Spinelli only stared at his hands. Jason put his hand on his shoulder.

"Look at me," he said, then waited for Spinelli to comply. "I like having you here. I know I don't always act like it, but that's my fault, not yours. The only reason I'd ever ask you to leave would be if I didn't think you were safe here anymore. I don't mean to be careless with your feelings like Maxie was; I want you to know that you belong here and that's not gonna change because you don't agree with me on something, or Sam moves back in, or Sonny picks on you and throws you out. You're like a brother to me; I've told you that before and it's time for me to show it. I want you to have your own room, and if you wanna pick out a place down here to make your own, too, I want you to do that."

Spinelli beamed at him. Jason hated physical contact, but hugged Spinelli anyway.

"Thank you, Stone Cold," was all he said as he returned the hug.

It was enough. Jason let him go and patted his shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?"

Spinelli nodded.

"Of course."

"Where have you been going lately? Sam and I have been worried about you. When you're not here or at the office, you're not any of your usual places either. Normally I wouldn't be checking up on you, but with the Franco situation, I just wanna make sure you're OK."

Spinelli hesitated. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Jason. He was afraid of his mentor's reaction. He was afraid of losing what he'd found. No one knew his secret, not even Maxie. Spinelli knew how quickly and easily something could be taken away; he didn't want to lose his secret. This was the one thing he could truly call his own. If Jason knew, he might not approve.

But Jason was allowing him to make the pink room truly his own now. But this was different. With or without his own room, his own space, he needed what he'd found the day Jason had sent him away for disagreeing with him about Claudia.

Jason took Spinelli's hesitation for resentment or fear and spoke calmly, not wanting him to think Jason was angry or that he would be punished if he didn't tell him. Sam was right. The poor kid was really scared about being rejected, even after living with Jason for all this time. Jason could have kicked himself for being so thoughtless. At the moment, he considered himself little better than Maxie.

"I don't mean to treat you like a child; if you don't wanna tell me, I respect your privacy."

That made up Spinelli's mind. He had known Sam and Jason were keeping a secret from him, just not what it was. It had turned out to be these color samples, which signified Spinelli's acceptance into Jason's house as a true member of the household, not a boarder allowed to live there as part of his salary. Now it was time for Spinelli to put aside his fear of losing his secret. It was time to share it with his brother.

"No, I do wanna tell you. But I have to show you. Will you come with me? I need to tend to a specific matter, anyway."

Jason agreed, puzzled, and reached for the car keys.

"No, you won't need those; it's not far."

Jason shrugged and followed Spinelli out the door.

As he led Jason to the place where he'd been hiding his secret, he thought back to the day he'd left Casa De Stone Cold, wondering if he'd ever be allowed back in after rebuking his mentor in such an openly defiant manner. He'd been walking towards the peer when he saw an old truck pull over to the side of the road. Wondering if the vehicle's occupant or occupants were having trouble, he stopped to see if he could help. He stayed out of sight at first, waiting to see what would happen.

A big, angry-looking man got out and picked something up. He set it on the side of the road, got back in his truck and drove away. When he looked back, Spinelli saw that whatever the man had put on the side of the road was moving.

It was a dog, cocking its head, listening intently and looking scared. It looked in the direction of the truck and began to run after it, but the truck was too fast.

Spinelli ran after the dog, not wanting it to get hurt. When it realized it couldn't keep up with the truck, it stopped, looking sad and confused.

Spinelli waited a few minutes, not wanting to scare the dog. He could see it clearly now. It was a beautiful Black Lab. It looked young and healthy. It began to whine and the sound broke Spinelli's heart. It couldn't understand why its master had abandoned it.

He approached it cautiously. He had some idea of how it felt. Jason had been so angry with him, and he'd only been trying to make his friend see that there were other possibilities than the one he was so determined to prove was the truth. Claudia could be innocent and Jason would not accept even the slightest possibility that he might be wrong. Lulu had frequently punished him for voicing his opinions and now Jason was doing the same. Would he lose his home and family as easily as this poor dog had been tossed on the side of the road?

"Hey, Furry One," he said softly.

The dog looked in his direction and wagged its tail. Spinelli moved closer, holding his hand out for the dog to sniff. It hesitated, then sniffed him, then licked his hand.

Spinelli smiled, but felt another pang when the dog looked in the direction the truck had gone with another soft whine.

The dog had no collar. Spinelli supposed the miscreant who had thought it perfectly acceptable to abandon a defenseless creature to the streets of Port Charles had removed it before committing the atrocity.

He looked and saw that the dog was female. His next action was purely impulsive and purely instinctual. This poor creature had been tossed aside as if her life had meant nothing. She had been loyal, faithful and undeserving of such treatment. Spinelli was going to reward her, since the non-human who had abandoned her was clearly incapable of such reciprocation.

He took her to a vet, who determined that she was perfectly healthy and appeared to be about three years old. She suggested that Spinelli either take her to the pound or leave her there to be adopted, but he declined. He wanted to keep her. He knew he couldn't let her stay at Casa De stone Cold. He didn't even know if he himself would be allowed to remain there after his last encounter with Jason. But he knew of a place where the dog would be safe and he could keep her warm. He would name her, get her licensed and keep her in a secret place. This was one friend who would never throw him aside when it was convenient, judge him or reject him, and as long as he kept her healthy, she would live a long, safe and happy life.

Jason's confusion grew as Spinelli led him into an elevator and down to a rarely used part of the building. There was nothing back here that could possibly be of any used to Spinelli or anyone else.

But he was wrong. Spinelli led him to an old, apparently forgotten shed and opened the door after entering a combination on a padlock.

"How did you know about this place?" Jason asked curiously.

"The Jackal did some exploring when Stone Cold first allowed him to move in and found it quite by accident. I never thought I'd find a use for it until a couple of months ago."

He led Jason inside, where there was a small lamp, which was currently off, and an electric heater, which was currently on. Suddenly, there was a bark and a black figure jumped at Spinelli, wagging its tail and licking his face.

Jason watched as Spinelli hugged the dog, then reached into a box on a table and pulled out a green plastic bag.

"I'll be right back."

He left the shed and Jason saw him through the window as he led the dog on a leash to a small patch of grass behind a dumpster, where she quickly answered her calls of nature. He saw Spinelli put the bag over his hand, bend over, then come back up and put the bag in the dumpster.

Spinelli and the dog came back and the dog sniffed Jason's shoes. Jason didn't move. He allowed the dog to sniff him all over. She apparently decided he was friendly, because she tried to lick his hands. That was when he pulled away. She followed his movements insistently.

Seeing that Jason was becoming slightly irritated with the dog's attentions, Spinelli gently tugged on the leash and she obediently left Jason alone and came to sit at Spinelli's left side.

"Did you train her?" Jason asked.

Spinelli shook his head.

"Where did you get her?"

"I found her on the side of the road. Someone just tossed her out of his truck like a piece of unwanted property."

His eyes flashed with anger.

"How long have you had her here?"

"Since the day we disagreed about Claudia. I saw her previous owner stop his truck and leave her."

"Why didn't you just take her to a shelter?"

"She'd already been abandoned once; I wasn't gonna leave her, too. No one deserves to be thrown away."

Then Jason noticed her tags. Spinelli was listed as her legal owner.

"Her name is Fidelia?"

"It means faithful. It took on an even more significant meaning after learning of Maxie's betrayal."

Jason nodded.

"The heater is to keep her warm."

"Yes," he said as he reached into a small refrigerator and pulled out a can of dog food and a water bottle.

Fidelia watched eagerly as he poured the contents of the can and the bottle into two separate bowls, then she began to eat and drink with obvious pleasure.

"So this is where you've been?"

Spinelli nodded.

"You've been spending most of your time with Fidelia because she won't throw you out, judge you or betray you."

He nodded again.

"You must feel like her sometimes, like people abandon you or punish you and you don't know why."

Spinelli didn't respond. But he was surprised by Jason's seemingly sudden insight into his thoughts and feelings.

"Did you think I was gonna throw you out because of Claudia? Permanently, I mean."

"You were acting so differently. I didn't know what you were gonna do then."

"Would you have stayed here with Fidelia if I had?"

The thought made Jason sad. He realized that even he at times treated Spinelli the way this defenseless, loving, friendly dog had been treated. It was no wonder Spinelli and Fidelia had bonded so quickly; they were each mistreated by people who were supposed to love them. Jason did love him, but had frequently sent him to his room like a disobedient child, or made him leave the Penthouse altogether, and for little or no real reason.

"No," he said, sounding surprised. "I would have stayed here until I found a place that accepted pets."

"I'll never throw you out just because you disagree with me," Jason reiterated.

Spinelli looked him directly in the eye for the first time that day.

"You proved that this morning with your generous Christmas gift."

Fidelia had long since finished her breakfast and was looking expectantly at Spinelli with a ball in her mouth. Tired of the humans ignoring her, she barked and squeaked the ball. Spinelli laughed and Jason grinned.

After watching the game of fetch for a minute or two, Jason asked, "why don't we take Fidelia home with us?"

"Really?"

Jason nodded and Spinelli beamed.

"She's completely house broken?"

"Yeah."

"You'll keep her off the furniture."

Spinelli nodded eagerly.

"Then let's give her a proper home."

Spinelli resisted the impulse to hug him again. Instead, he hugged Fidelia, then took the remaining cans of dog food and bottles of water out of the refrigerator.

"Why do you give her bottled water?" Jason asked.

"Because there was no readily available sink."

Jason looked around the shed, realizing that, of course, there was no sink. To hide his embarrassment at being less than observant, he changed the subject as they left.

"What happened last night? Did you and Maxie patch things up?"

Spinelli told him about how he'd brought a tree to Maxie's apartment only to realize there was already a big tree there and the apartment was already decorated. Jason knew Spinelli would take that to mean he'd failed. Then he told him how he'd been unable to contain his pain and anger and they'd begun to discuss Maxie's one night stand with Franco, then Mack had shown up and guilted Spinelli into backing off because Maxie was crying. He had brought up Georgie, as if Spinelli, who had been the one to find her body, had needed reminding that she'd died in December.

Spinelli didn't see it as Mack manipulating him, but Jason did, and wanted to strangle Mack. He obviously didn't know the situation, but blamed Spinelli for everything that went wrong in Maxie's life. He understood that Mack would take Maxie's side, right or wrong, because she was his daughter, but he had threatened to throw Spinelli in jail if he made Maxie cry again, as if Maxie hadn't brought it on herself. Jason hated the way Mack abused his power and tried to arrest Spinelli for no reason other than that he and Maxie were together.

"What's he gonna do next," Jason thought irritably, "arrest Spinelli the next time Maxie breaks a nail?"

In the end, at Spinelli's request, they decided to table the Franco discussion for now. He had just wanted to spend the holidays with the woman he loved.

Jason nodded approvingly. He knew as well as Spinelli did that the anger was not going to just disappear, but he also knew that it was in his friend's nature to push his feelings to the side in favor of other people's feelings, or other events. In this case, he was acting in favor of Maxie and the holiday. Maybe he and Maxie had a chance after all, Jason thought, if Maxie didn't deliberately mess it up again.

Fidelia sniffed the Penthouse curiously. She tried to climb onto the couch, but immediately went away from it at a firm "no" from Spinelli. He followed her up the stairs and then led her into the pink room, indicating where she was and was not to go upstairs. Jason thought it would be OK. He had misgivings about having a dog in the house, but she was obviously well trained and Spinelli had a good handle on her behavior. He would reserve final judgment until the holidays were over.

That night, after saying good night to Jason and leading Fidelia upstairs to bed, Spinelli smiled broadly as he looked at the color samples on his desk and his newest friend lying on the dog bed he had bought her the day he'd found her. He had washed and dried it an hour before and Fidelia was snoring contentedly, after having sniffed it and then giving Spinelli her paw as if to say, "thank you! It's about time!" His smile widened as he remembered the deep, happy sigh she'd given as she drifted off to sleep.

The color samples and the physical form of the dog represented something much deeper, something intangible. Jason had given him total acceptance, something he'd been craving for as long as he could remember. In Fidelia, the Fates had given him a friend who would accept him even if, for some reason, Jason's acceptance was taken away from him.

Jason had said the only reason he would ever ask him to leave Casa De Stone Cold was if he thought it wasn't safe for Spinelli to live here anymore. But Jason had pushed away his loved ones who did not live with him for the same reason. He had even given up his own son for that reason.

Maxie had been unfaithful, and as much as Spinelli wanted to get past it, he still wasn't entirely sure he could. He had tabled the issue for now, for the holidays. But what would happen when the holidays were over? What would happen the next time Maxie needed something from a male business associate? Could he trust her not to betray him again?

Fidelia would never treat him the way other humans did, even if the other humans didn't intend to mistreat him, or didn't realize that was what they were doing. In her, he had someone who would, no matter what happened with Jason, Maxie or anyone else in his life, forever remain his most loyal and trusted friend. He finally had someone who would be as good to him as he tried to be to everyone he loved.

He sighed contentedly as he slipped under the covers. If he could have completely resolved his issues with Maxie, this Christmas would have been perfect. But he knew that nothing was ever perfect. His wish for next Christmas was that he and Maximista would still be together, and stronger than ever. This Christmas, Jason's acceptance and Fidelia's loyalty were the best gifts he could have asked for.


End file.
